4 Fears Surrounding End of Life Care and How to Overcome Them
Many families find
conversations about end of life care difficult to broach with a parent or aging
loved one, but surely they have come up.
Perhaps you were
driving away from a nursing home visit with your mother when she told you she
“never wants to live in a place like that.”
Or, maybe you were
sharing coffee after a family funeral when your father told you that he “never
wants to be hooked up to ventilators like Uncle Mark was.”
Statements like these
open a window into their desires as they relate to end of life care, but they
don’t provide you with the full picture you need to adequately plan ahead.
The 40-70 Rule® is a good rule
of thumb: have an intentional conversation surrounding these concerns by the
time you are 40 and your parent is 70. But no matter your age, it can bring
immeasurable peace of mind to communicate openly with your family about
end-of-life fears and wishes so you can plan ahead to ensure those wishes are
honored.
Here are a few of some
of the most common fears and ways to overcome them.
Fear #1: “I hate the thought of
having feeding tubes and ventilators keeping me alive.” What you can do about it: Consider establishing a living will.
Living wills detail an individual’s treatment preferences in the event he or
she is unable to make those decisions for him- or herself. The requirements for
living wills vary from state to state, so you should also consider having a
lawyer assist with this. Many lawyers will prepare a living will as part of an
estate planning package.
Fear #2: “I’m afraid I will end
up in a nursing home, and I don’t want to die in a hospital or institution.” What
you can do about it: There are many options for end of life care outside
of nursing homes and hospitals. Make sure that you have a conversation with
your parent about his or her wishes and look into home care options together so
that you areprepared when the time comes.
Fear #3 “What if I get dementia
and can no longer make my own decisions?”
What you can do about it: It’s wise to have your parents designate a trusted person
with power of attorney (POA) who will act on their
behalf in the event that they are no longer able to advocate for themselves.
Designating a person with POA will give them peace of mind that their care
wishes will be met regardless of their mental acuity.
Fear #4: “I don’t want to lose
my independence.” What you can do about
it: Look into the home care options in your area so
that your parent can have the help they need to continue living independently
at home without feeling like they have to rely on you to help meet their daily
needs.
The best way to
address the end-of-life fears your parent may be struggling with is to
communicate clearly with them about their wishes in advance. If the topic
doesn’t come up naturally, set up a specific time to talk.
Try to remain open and
put yourself in your loved ones’ shoes to better understand their wishes and
the reasoning behind them. Be sure to record your discussion by taking notes so
you have something to refer back to when making plans and decisions in the
future.
For many, it’s normal
to feel anxiety surrounding this topic, but know that having open communication
with your loved ones will likely give your family a sense of peace that will
far outweigh any anxiety you feel broaching the subject.
