How to Deal with Family Conflict Caused by Alzheimer’s
Only when families work together as a team
can their loved ones with Alzheimer's receive the best love and care possible.
Shortly after her father passed away,
Valerie's mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
“When
it became apparent that there was something wrong with my mother, my brother
told me, ‘I’m sorry, but I’m done with her.’
I
don’t know what happened between them, but he was true to his word. He was
really scarce with his visits. I guess since I am her caregiver, I’m out too.
He has no contact with me. I am really alone in this endeavor to take care of
Mom. Alzheimer’s has broken up my family.”
Sadly, an ill loved one is the number
one trigger for family conflict, according to a study conducted by the Home
Instead Senior Care® network. Coping
with the reality of a loved one’s Alzheimer’s not only has its emotional
difficulties, but logistical ones as well, especially in terms of
decision-making and bearing the responsibility of caregiving. Despite these
challenges, the following tips may help you unite your family around your loved
one with Alzheimer’s when that person needs family support the most.
·
Communicate Regularly. Don’t allow
weeks to turn into months and years of not communicating with family members
you feel should take a vested interest in your parents’ condition and care. If
you’ve fallen out of touch with a member of your family, reach out through a
phone call, email, card or letter.
·
Empathize. Difficult situations affect everyone
differently, so try to understand your sibling’s point of view before getting
angry or upset. Approaching the issue this way will help you suggest an
appropriate solution. Maybe your brother can’t emotionally deal with Mom
“losing her mind.” If that’s the case, maybe he can help you by contributing
financially to her care instead. Empathy was one main factor that helped keep
the Hamilton sisters united. The stress of their mother’s illness affected
every person in the family differently, but as you’ll learn from their family’s story, they persevered through the challenges
to provide the loving care they felt their mother deserved.
·
Ask for Help. If you feel over-burdened by the
responsibility of caregiving, inform the rest of your family (without
complaining or blaming others). Your sibling(s) may assume you’re doing just
fine handling everything on your own unless you tell them what challenges you’re
facing and specific ways they can help. As the maxim goes, “a burden shared is
a burden halved.”
·
Make Decisions Together. Even if you
serve as the primary caregiver of your parents, involve your sibling(s) when
you need to make a major care decision. Maybe you feel Dad’s Alzheimer’s has
progressed to a point where he needs additional assistance, and you’re looking
into hiring a professional in-home caregiver for him. Talk through the pros,
cons, financial considerations and possible alternatives with your siblings
before you make a decision. Taking their thoughts and opinions into account
will help to eliminate any hard feelings, grudges or resentments.
·
Leave Childhood Rivalries Behind. Easier said than
done, of course, but try to approach the issue as the adult you are now, not as
the younger person your siblings may still see you as. Stepping back and
realizing how unresolved issues from long ago influence your present
relationships may put a helpful new perspective on your current situation.
·
Enlist the Help of a Mediator. Sometimes family
issues become too complicated or emotionally charged to solve on your own. A
third-party resource, particularly a professional such as a counselor, mediator
or even a doctor or geriatric care manager, can provide an impartial voice of
reason.
Only
when families work together as a team can their loved ones with Alzheimer’s
receive the best love and care possible. Remember that regardless of your past
history or current situation, all relationships are a work-in-progress.
Envisioning how efforts to make amends will ultimately benefit everyone and can
help steer you and your family members on a path toward reconciliation.
For
additional support managing family relationships and resolving family conflict,
explore the resources in our 50-50
Rule® program.
Visit
us online @ http://www.caregiverstress.com/dementia-alzheimers-disease/elder-care/family-conflict-caused-by-alzheimers/
