5 Steps to Weaning Dependent Adult
Children off Senior Parents
Many families are
facing the phenomenon of trying to ensure their senior parents have the best
quality of life during their retirement years, yet dealing with the resistance
of a dependent Adult Child living with or off of their parent. This dependency
is depleting their parents of assets and income that is necessary for their
retirement needs and quality of life. Parents are willing to provide for their
children even when they know their children should be able to provide for
themselves. They do this out of fear of what might happen to their dependent
child or what that adult child might do, if they say “no” or no longer provide
for their child’s “needs”.
It is a huge roadblock
and problem for families to overcome in helping ensure their loved ones can
move on and have a better quality of life without the dependency of their
children inhibiting them. To help with this process refer to the plan below.
Scenario-Adult
daughter helping mother with dependent adult son
The
Plan:
1. Adult daughter, or someone mother will listen
to, needs to have a conversation to get mother to think about “what is going to
happen to your son when you pass away”? You need to get her to understand that
she is enabling her son to depend on her and that it is not healthy or helpful
for either of them. In her enabling him to be dependent on her it is going to
hurt him in the long-run, when she, nor her income, is available to him after
she is gone. While she is still around she needs to help her son, by weaning
him off of her assistance so that he can learn to live emotionally &
financially without her.
2. Have your mother get some counseling or read
some articles or books to figure out why she is allowing her son to be
dependent on her and what fears drive her to continue to allow him to be
dependent on her. Also, present some resources for the adult son such as
counseling, job search options, educational venues and social avenues for him
to seek healthy relationships with others his age. Spending time with those his
age might motivate him to set goals for himself.
3. Once we can get your mother and her son to
understand that #1 it’s not healthy or helpful for him to be dependent on her
when she will not be around to take care of him forever #2 her quality of life
is just as important as his quality of life and she deserves to enjoy her
retirement years, then we can begin the next step of the plan for weaning your
brother off of depending on your mother.
4. Your mother will let her son know that by “X
date”, one of the following will need to take place: he needs to have a job or
he needs to find a new residence and/or your mother will be moving to a Senior
Living Community. It is important to set a date or timeframe that he knows is
going to happen. It is to be made clear to him that after this date her
resources will no longer be available for him to live on. He will need to find
another source of income for his living needs. This timeline is given to him so
that he knows he will be responsible for himself and how long he has to plan to
provide for himself.
5. Ensure that her son will not have access to
her finances via checkbooks, debit/credit cards, checking accounts etc. Have
her appoint someone Power of Attorney so they can oversee her finances and keep
her accountable to not enabling her son financially and making sure he is not
gaining access to her finances in some way.
Senior One Source
Glendale, AZ
(480) 300-4539
Visit us online @ www.Senioronesource.net
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