Maintaining Close Bonds with Parents from Afar

Maintaining Close Bonds with Parents from Afar

February 22, 2019

“Dear Mom…”

Jenny lifted her pen to look at the Mother’s Day card she was writing. There was a lot of blank space to fill under these words. Something about the empty card was intimidating. She had a lot to say to her mother, yet too few ways to say it. She was at a loss for words.

Jenny’s mother lived far away, in her home town of Raleigh, North Carolina. In Chicago, Jenny’s life revolved around her job and her husband. Though she was an only child, she always felt like her mother was more of a sister than a parent when she was younger. Her mom was just as independent, just as busy, stubborn and strong-willed as Jenny was.

She called her mother when she found the time. The last she heard, her mother was transitioning to an independent living facility, where some of her friends were already. Jenny felt like she hadn’t called enough, but she had been so focused on her own life – confident that her mother would always be okay at home.

Frustrated, Jenny decided to call before continuing her card. She dialed her old childhood home phone number, anticipating her mother’s familiar voice and almost jumped the gun to say, “Hi mom!” before an automated message beat her to it with the words, “This number is no longer active.”

Jenny hadn’t mis-dialed the number, but she realized she had misjudged the reality of her mom’s situation. Her mother had probably changed her life, moved away or worse – gotten into trouble, and Jenny didn’t know about it. She hadn’t stayed connected to her mother the way she should have.

Jobs and life events tend to separate adults from their parents, especially as the troubled job market leads them to take any job they can get. This can leave children far away from to mom and dad, but it can also lead them to find creative ways to reach their parents.

Letters, packages, cards and deliveries are valuable, tangible items you can send your parents remotely. Phone calls offer a little more intimacy, especially if you feel your parent needs to hear your voice. In addition, technology today allows us to reach parents through live video communication. Whichever medium of connection you choose to bond with your parents from afar, it can make the distance between you seem smaller.

If you are a long-distance caregiver, managing an aging parent’s care can get in the way of bonding if you take more of a “supervisor” or “babysitter” role over your mom or dad. Instead of hovering over your parents, actually take the time to bond with them. This article will give you ideas on how to do that.

Ask…

• How are you? Mean it when you ask, listen and inquire further on their response.
• Who’s been keeping you company? Find out who your parents’ friends and caregivers are, then get to know how your parents feel about them.
• What has been making you happy lately?  Know where your parent sources their happiness. Just telling you about a person, TV show or hobby they enjoy can make your parent very happy.
• Did you catch that last game? Follow up on your parents’ interests, like sports games they watch, television shows they love or movies that have just come out. If you also share these interests, there is a lot for you both to talk about!
• Did you know… Let your parent know about family updates or other interesting things that affect either of your lives. Aging parents learn easily by word-of-mouth from people they trust.
• How was that last doctor’s appointment? Keep a rapport of your parent’s health care. Show that you are both concerned about and up-to-date with their wellbeing.
• What’s new with… Know what has already been going on in your parent’s life. Ask for updates about things they have been doing.

Say…

• Family updates Tell your parent about your spouse, your children, or any other relatives that they may not talk to often. Keeping a parent in tune with the family makes them feel like part of a community.
• General news in both of your communities If you know of important or interesting news in your community or your parents’, talk about them. Maybe there is an important weather update or fun event to look out for.
• How have you been? Part of the joy of connecting with your parent is letting them know about your life. Talk about work, family, and how you feel about anything else in life. Your parent may be very interested in you.
• Why you called Sometimes, we feel an invisible nudge to reach out to our aging parents. They want to know why you call. They want to know why and how you care.
• Who else says hello If someone has told you to say hello to your parent for them, let your parent know. It is nice to know that someone thought of them.
• What life is like for you Let your parent live a bit vicariously through your adventures through life. Share life triumphs or battles with your parent.
• Interesting things you’ve learned When you learn something new about other people, technology, politics, celebrities, or anything else, share it! If it interested you, your parent will be interested in finding out why.
• Health updates If you have a hand in managing your parents’ health care, give them gentle reminders about upcoming appointments.

Send…

• Pictures You can bet on your parent saving every picture you send. Send a snapshot of your life to give them access to you from far away.
• News Clippings When a family member, friend, or beloved sports or celebrity figure is in the newspaper, send a clipping of it to you parent. You can also print out news from the web. If you know what news your parent will care about, they may want something tangible as a keepsake.
• Hobby Items If your parent has a hobby, send them material for it. Craft items, instruction manuals, magazines, or even samples of work encourage your parent to keep up with their hobby.
• Clothes Anyone can send their parent a new outfit. But if there is spirit wear for your child’s sports team or branded apparel from work that you can send them, they will wear it proudly as a representation of you.
• Souvenirs When you travel, don’t forget to find something small to send your parent. Just like you might buy souvenirs to remember a good time, your parent might want one to remember you.
• Work Samples When you are particularly proud of a piece of work, send a copy or review of it to your parent.
• Children’s Schoolwork Children from any grade level bring home work that they want to show off. After congratulating your child for their artwork, test grades, or essays, send them to your parents to include them in the celebration.
• Holiday Cards If you are unable to meet face-to-face for a holiday, send a card to show you care.
• Web Articles or Videos Online, it is easy to email or share content on social media. Share web articles or videos that interest you with your parent. The small gesture lets them know that you are thinking about them.

Learn…

• Your differences and similarities  As you and your parent age, you may realize you are either more similar or different than you think. Learn characteristics that you share in common with your parent. Learn how they do things differently, and whether it’s good for you to adopt their strengths.
• Technology Technology typically advances faster than the elderly can learn it but taking the time to help your parent understand a smartphone, tablet or computer might make communication easier with them. Be patient when you introduce technology to your parent. It will pay off.
• New ways to communicate If there are barriers to break down while you maintain a close bond with your parents from afar, you will inevitably learn new ways to communicate. Already, the distance between you affects how you connect. But growing in adulthood and old age also teaches us how to relate, how to talk like adults and how to listen. Practice and build good, healthy communication with your parents to make the most of your close bond.

       Call Amada Senior Care at 480-999-5250 or visit www.AmadaMesa.com

Sponsor of the SPOTLIGHT Senior Services
& Living Options Guide 

Visit us online or call and say,
"I saw you in SPOTLIGHT" 

IN THE SPOTLIGHT Valley of the Sun Homecare

We are pleased to announce our newest advertiser in the 

SPOTLIGHT Senior Services & Living Options Resource Guide

Valley of the Sun Homecare opened its doors seven years ago after its Founder and President Jude Tarris, discovered the personal fulfillment and rewards of helping others while serving as a professional caregiver for a large national franchise. During that time, Jude formed special bonds with the people he cared for – bonds he continues to cherish today. What was originally a part time job quickly became Jude’s passion as he decided to open his own home care agency in 2010. Valley of the Sun Homecare has since become one of the most respected home care agency in Arizona. Many of the top independent living facilities, hospitals, rehab centers, hospice agencies, geriatric care managers, social workers, case managers and other local advisers rely upon Valley of the Sun Homecare to care for their residents and patients. Jude also served on the Board of Directors for the Arizona In-Home Care Association (AZNHA) from 2011-2015. More recently, Valley of the Sun Homecare was selected as a semi-finalist for the 2015 Arizona State University Spirit of Enterprise award. Jude was also selected by the Arizona Republic in 2012 to their annual 35 Under 35 as a top entrepreneur in the state.

Valley of the Sun Homecare is your trusted source for all of your in home care needs.  We know every person and situation is unique which is why we offer a FREE in Home Assessment to determine how best to keep you living independently at home.  Some of the more common services we provide include:  Alzheimer's Care, Dementia Care, Parkinson's Care, Personal Care, Bathing and Dressing Assistance, Incontinence Care, Medication Reminders, Meal Planning and Preparation, Light Housekeeping, Laundry and Linen Assistance, Transportation to Doctor's Appointments, Grocery Shopping and Running Errands, Pet Care, Friendly Companionship, Respite Care, 24 Hour Care, Overnight Care, Live-in Care and much, much more.

Why Choose Valley of the Sun Homecare?
Our Approach: We believe that choosing the right home care agency is a difficult and personal decision and we think it requires the kind of personal attention and hands-on support that only a local agency can provide.  Valley of the Sun Homecare is owned locally and operated locally.  The company’s founder, Jude Tarris, lives and works in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Our People: Although Arizona does not require any special licenses or credentials for in-home caregivers http://www.valleyofthesunhomecare.com/our-caregivers/, we hold our staff to very high standards.  We work hard to make sure that every one of our clients receives the best possible care, feeling safe, secure, and comfortable at home.  Every one of our caregivers must pass an extensive interview process, a background check and pre employment drug test.  Mr. Tarris has a simple rule: If he wouldn’t trust someone to care for his own family, he simply won’t allow them to care for yours.

Our Values: We take pride in being an active, responsible member of the local community.  We are a member organization of the Better Business Bureau (BBB) maintaining an A+ rating, Arizona In-Home Care Association (AZNHA) and Home Care Association of America (HCAOA). Additionally, we are annual supporters of the Alzheimer’s Association – Walk to End Alzheimer’s.

Our Size: We believe Arizonans deserve to have the best care at prices they can afford.  That’s why we insist on being a small, independent company.  We are not part of a national franchise system.  This affords us to be able to do what is best for our clients right here in Arizona rather than making profits for a large out of state franchise system . By keeping our company small, we deliver excellent personal care services and we keep it affordable for you.

You can visit us online at  www.ValleyOfTheSunHomeCare.com or contact us today at (480) 264-5252 to schedule your FREE in home assessment!

Private Duty Homecare Buyer's Guide

Private Duty Homecare Buyer’s Guide

A useful guide provided by BrightStar

Homecare

We understand that budget is a primary consideration when you are making arrangements for homecare, and it is our expectation that you will “shop around” to find the best provider at a manageable cost. As you do, please consider the following points in order to ensure that you and your loved ones are protected and receive the best care possible.

1. DO YOUR HOMEWORK
Before you make your first phone call, thoroughly consider what your care needs are. Make sure to paint a realistic picture of the patient’s needs so that the right caregiver match can be made:
 Do you need a companion, or someone who can provide
hands-on care (i.e. assisting getting in/out of bath, etc.)
 Do you need assistance with cooking and light housework?
 Do you need skilled medical assistance for things like blood pressure & blood sugar testing, medication administration, wound care or tube/drain/bag maintenance?
 Do you need a caregiver who can drive you to social events appointments or?
 Is a memory loss diagnosis (i.e. Alzheimer’s, dementia) a factor or is the patient becoming confused?
 Do you need a caregiver trained in a specialization such as hospice care or mobility needs?
 Do you need a caregiver that speaks a particular language or is versed in sign language?

2. INTERVIEW THE AGENCY
In order to protect yourself and your loved ones from potential liability, be sure to ask about and consider the following when selecting a homecare agency:
 What levels of care are available? Are you licensed for medical care or only companion care services?
 Are your caregivers supervised by an RN? Who conducts the initial assessment before starting each case?
 Are all caregivers employees that are licensed, bonded, and insured? What happens if a worker is injured in my home?
 Do you take care of paying the taxes and withholdings for the caregiver?
 If there is a personality conflict or other problem with a worker, can a change be made? How is this handled?
 How much notice will you give me if a caregiver is leaving or will be unavailable for an extended period of time?
 What are your rates? Is there a minimum # of hours that I have to commit to each day/week/month?
 What happens if a caregiver calls out sick or has an emergency? Will you send another caregiver of equal skill and experience?
 Can I interview the caregiver(s) before I commit to using your agency? Do you check references, and can I get details of the caregivers experience and background? Can I get someone that has worked on similar cases / patients?
 What happens in case of an emergency? Can your caregiver provide hands-on help (i.e. lifting, CPR, etc.) or do they need to wait for emergency services?

3. HELPFUL HINTS
The following are a few suggestions on ways to make the process of obtaining quality homecare a little easier and eliminate the unwanted surprises:
 Before a new caregiver starts, write out a basic daily and weekly schedule for the patient. Be sure to include a list of likes and dislikes with respect to both foods and activities. This will make the transition much easier and less stressful for the patient, and will allow the caregiver to get up to speed quickly.
 Remember that you are the customer – do not hesitate to express your needs and give feedback, especially if you are dissatisfied or worried. The matching of a caregiver to a patient is as much and art as a science, and clear, constructive feedback will help everyone settle in quickly.
 A note on 24-hour care; Live-in caregivers are often more convenient and cost-effective than utilizing multiple workers in 12-hour shifts. However, live-ins do require some time off and private space for meals, sleeping, and grooming, while 12-hour workers generally do not sleep while on duty. Therefore, if the patient requires lots of attention during the night, 12-hour shifts or an additional overnight caregiver may be the right solution. Live-in caregivers do need to sleep sometime in order to provide quality care!

BrightStar’s mission is to make more possible in your life.
Let us know how we can help you!

www.BrightStarCare.com